My Real Image REVISED

Today I read the post. The only post I had that made "Top 5"

"My Real Image." it was titled. I read it and did a face palm.

The comments read, "Nice To Meet you." "This is so real"

At the time, these comments made my heart melt.

Because They had known my heart, the "REAL" me.

Exactly 166 days later, and I realize they don't know my heart.

So they know I kickbox, they know I didn't have a dad for a while.

I said they knew my heart but they really knew my image.

But an image is just a picture pasted on a single page

They know few pictures, but they sure as hell,

Don't know my heart or my story , and the things that make me REAL.





They don't know what makes me tick and what make me break

or what my face looks like first thing in the morning on a school day.

They don't know that I like the color my eyes turn when I cry.

They don't know that my jaw clenches every time I hear the word Pornography.

They don't know I visit  home most weekends, and still cry every time I leave.

They don't know how badly I want to find love, and how many tears Ive cried over heartbreak.

Or know that god gives me rainstorms instead of rainbows cause I'm happiest in the rain.

They don't know  how hard I analyze lyrics of songs and why I love Ed Sheeran so much.


They know my image. And maybe that's okay they don't know my heart.

Because not everyone gets to know my heart. That's what makes it special.

But one day, someone will learn my heart. They will learn the way it beats,

How many times per minute, what it can hold, its size, its color, and mostly its pages.


Until then though,  this is my image. With a snapshot into my heart.

I'm real. But It's going to take someone special to see my heart beat.





 

Heart Fall

Pumpkin Spice and everything nice came in season

Bringing a bone chilling wind that swirled around me

This time weather had nothing to do with the fall,

but still left me cold and empty like nights in November .

The color of my heart changed like leaves in seasons  

turning dark crimson and fraying at the edges with heartbreak.

It fell from the highest branch and landed fast and hard

But its nature made sure it crumpled and died shortly there after.

Someone can fall in love with the way the leaves sound

beneath their boots laced together like their fingertips.

my heart found another pile of leaves to jump into,

But their heart didn't sound the way yours did beneath mine.

This morning I put on my jacket, the one you liked.

I walked with my headphones in against the wind

Heartbreak had me shivering and I held my jacket closer

Wishing you could warm my heart by holding it like you had.

My heart sat in the library today sipping hot chocolate

searching books for words to describe your sweet kisses

imagining they tasted like the swirls of chocolate on my tongue

My heart went back to summer, but was awoken with chills.

My heart was lit like fire that smelled of campfire smoke

It was beautiful and wild and danced freely in love

but the curious eyes grew bored and the fire died out

Leaving a heart that just got burned and had scars to prove it.

 

This evening I sat and watched the burnt auburn sky

reliving the moments that were carved in eerie designs.

These shaped my heart like faces of  October pumpkins

 put on display on my front porch for everyone to see.

Pumpkin Spice and everything nice came with the season

but still my heart remains lost in the cashmere woods. 

Leaves like my heart will always wander into a new light

and maybe next year Ill be better equipped to handle the fall.