Happy Birthday

Fireworks lit up the fourth of July sky
Telling the story of our freedom
I sat and watched like every other year      
But this time my heart was celebrating you

After all, it was also your birthday.

With every flash in the sky
My eyes lit up with color
Sorta like the way they do
When you tell me I'm beautiful.

With every loud *BOOM*
The beat hit through my soul
Kinda like your heartbeat
I felt when we cuddled.

With every sparkle and shimmer
I watched with amazement and wonder.
Kinda like the way I look at you,
And wonder why it took so long to REALLY see you.

With the finale coming nearer,
I waited with much excitement
Almost like the way I'm waiting now
For a kiss that creates fireworks in my stomach

The fireworks came to an end
Leaving nothing but smoke in the sky.
Kinda like the candles you blew out that night.
Happy Birthday America, but mostly to you...

Too bad I'm celebrating without you.

A Collection of Short Letters

Dear Bree-

I'm sorry you broke your Femur. Your Tibia. Your Fibula. I'm sorry you hit a Semi. You don't know how sick the words "Your sister has been in an accident." made me. You should also know how grateful I am to be able to drink diet cokes and watch Netflix with you I know that day could have gone very differently.

Dear God-

You saved my sister. I know it wasn't just coincidence she hit the one spot on the Semi that wouldn't have killed her. Thank you.


Dear Blog-

 I'm sorry I abandoned you for 3 weeks. Especially for the fact I cheated on you with Netflix.


Dear Cop that pulled me over-

Thanks for wanting to keep people safe. next time, don't ask me dumb questions of why I'm acting nervous when you pull me over. Also, I hope that wasn't your most happening case of the night. After all, you only pulled me over because there was a plastic cover on my license plate. You must have been bored.

Dear You -

I like cuddling with you. And I don't really care that you have a girlfriend right now. 

Dear Radio Stations -

Stop playing the same 10 songs. If I hear the songs "Best Day of My Life." and "Dark Horse" one more time I will take a baseball bat to my radio.

Dear mom-

I miss you. I miss girls nights.  I'm not ready to leave home to go to college. Is that okay?

Dear Rain-

You can stay as long as you want. I don't mind. 

Dear Self-

You have come a long way. Keep smiling.

A Summer of Innocence

 Truth is I miss you. I miss your magic your name would bring. I miss the happiness you brought. I miss the freedom you came with.

Mostly I miss your innocence.

Summer was everything back then. I was 10 years old. The last day of school I came home to a surprise water fight in my neighborhood.  Water balloons drenched my clothes, people were running around with water guns. Otter pops were handed out by the handfuls, and everyone was happy.

I spent summer nights with my friends. most of them were spent at Kohlers buying doughnuts and Jones Soda. Late at night I sat on my windowsill with my head against the screen as crickets chirped and the breeze blew through my undone hair.

Summer days were spent with my mom. Target runs, and convertible rides with the top down as we listened to Bon Jovi. this was one of our favorite thing to do together. I would tell her of my newest boy I had a crush on. I believed in Love, and Romance, and Happy endings.

I lived summer knowing It would be here again in the year to come.

I'm 18 now. The last day of school instead of Water fights and otter pops I  came home to a 7 hour shift.
besides even if I was offered an otter pop I wouldn't be able to stop worrying about this "bikini body'' I'm supposed to have for summer.

I still spend summer nights with friends, but I can't open my window at night because I sleep in the basement and that would be "dangerous.''

I called my mom today and asked her how she was at work.  I don't get to see her as often as I want, but she's still my best friend.

My parents are in a fight. Its awfully hard to believe in happy endings when you can hear him yelling through the walls.

I'm living summer not knowing when the next one will be.

But even still, the crickets chirp, there is plenty of Jones Sodas at Kohlers, and many convertible rides to be taken.

I just wish summer was still niave instead of growing up with me.

Stargazing With You

Meet me at there at dusk
Somewhere that's unknown

Beneath the violet canvas
That begs to be explored.

the wind will play our song
that we'll wish to play again.

Tree branches will be as our fingers
that are so tightly intertwined.

The mountains will be like blankets
that we have piled up on the grass.

the moon will be our source of light
 that makes our souls transparent 

the summer air that we breathe in
will be the photo we wish to capture.

The sky will be our movie
That we are waiting to rewind

the falling stars will be my heart.

When I fall for you tonight.
 

Saving You

"Its the artists that save people."
those words have been glued to me.
replaying in my mind constantly,
like a never ending reel tape.

I ignore it. Ive got finals tomorrow.

"Its the artists that save people."
my heart answers me again.
its voice has an edge to it
its wanting me to do more than just listen.

"To bad I have an F in math" I tell it.

"Its the artists that save people."
my eyes tell me to look at the sky.
They work hard in search of color
beautiful enough to paint a soul.

I argue. "I have an 8 hour shift to get through."

"Its the artists that save people."
my hands try telling me as they dance
to the rhythm of piano keys
chasing for a broken heart.

I try again. "But I only got 4 hours of sleep last night!"

"Its the artists that save people."
my brain tells me to write.
It flips through pages of words
worthy enough to find the lost.

 I place my hands up in surrender.

my hands dance, and my eyes search.

yet, I still haven't found a way to save you.

I haven't found the right shade of blue
To add to your empty canvas.
My fingers haven't found the melody
that your heart will want to sing to.

I certainly haven't found those words;
the ones that will talk you off the ledge.

but none the less, I write. I paint. I create a melody.

I'm failing math, I have finals to pass, I'm running on little sleep.

yet still I make art, hoping one day
to create something that saves you.

My Heart Was Set On Paris

They told me the flight was booked.
There were no more available tickets to Paris.
instead they suggested a less popular destination.
An English class that compared to Idaho

however, my heart was set on Paris.

For weeks I prayed for an empty seat.
That someone would cancel last minute.
All I could do was hope for a tourist.
they didn't want Paris like I did.

It finally happened one day.
when a seat became available.
I grabbed my new notebook
and rushed to the catch the plane.

I toured the Eiffel tower of being human
and walked the halls of  fear in Notre Dame
I saw the Mona Lisa and learned about creativity
and leaned about risks as I tried an Eclair for the first time.

My tour guide taught from his heart.
I knew he had fallen in love with Paris.

 I knew I wouldn't really arrive in Paris until I fell in love like that.

So, I fell in love with Coffee shops of inspiration
and the language spoken so beautifully in poems.
I fell in love with the people and their stories they told
and the rainy streets I walked through to find myself.

I fell in love with the flag that stood for freedom of words.

I fell in love with the music that played
And the honest hearts I could hear
beating to the rhythm as they wrote.


Ive fallen in love. And It's a place I now call home.

I haven't boarded the plane to go back yet. And I'm already homesick.

A Letter to You One Day

I haven't met you yet. I haven't even met your dad yet. I haven't gotten to hear your heartbeat through an ultra sound. I haven't gotten to see your perfect faces for the first time, or hear your first word, or watch your first step yet. I haven't had sleepless nights with you when you're sick. I haven't watched you grow up, or seen you smile, or even know what color your eyes are.

But I know I already love you.

I know I'm going to love you with all my heart.  I think about you a lot. I think of your names, conversations were going to have, lessons your dad and I are going to teach you, and memories we're going to make together.

I may not know you yet. But I already wish the best for you. 

I hope when you're here you laugh a lot.

I hope you consider your dad your hero.

I hope you like good music. and not just a certain type just because its popular. I also hope you like Bryan Adams because he will be playing a lot in our house.

I hope you call me your best friend.I hope you have the relationship with me that I do with my mom,and you talk to me about everything but especially about boys (or girls), and first kisses, and falling in love. 

I hope you learn how to play sports from your dad. Because I wont have the first clue how to teach you.

I hope you're not afraid to be yourself. Because being different is so much more interesting. 

If you're a boy, I hope you learn from my fathers mistake that pornography tears families apart. I also hope you know if you don't I will still love you and help you in anyway I can.

I hope you're not too afraid of getting your hair wet to go out and dance in the rain. (You'll hear that phrase a lot)

I hope you'll let me buy you ice cream when your heart gets 
broken.

I hope you have a MaKayla in your life. A best friend that will never let you down. I hope you get as hyper and weird as we get during sleepovers.

I hope you like puppies. Because our house wont ever be without one. I hope you don't ever want a cat. 

If your a girl, I hope your dad teaches you how to dance. And you get to to dance with him at your wedding. 

I hope you say "I Love You"  multiple times a day. 

I hope you know that sometimes boys are clueless in High school.
 
I hope you know how to work technology. I hope you're not frustrated that I'm going to be one of THOSE moms who can't work the TV.

 I hope that you're happy. And that when there are hard days you remember that it does end.  I hope you look for beauty everyday. I hope you have faith.

I haven't met you. But I know I love you. And mostly I hope you you believe that with all your heart.


Im excited to meet you one day. 

                 Love, Future Mom