Fated to Pretend

Let's pretend my fingers aren't laced with longing

while your fingers are laced with hers.

Let's pretend that "friend" doesn't taste like acid on my lips

meanwhile she's tasting your tongue. 

Let's pretend hearts didn't get pulled

when you pushed me away and fell into her

Let's pretend pushing didn't knock the breath out of me

While you're making her breathless in the sheets

Let's pretend I don't care

Let's pretend that you do.

But in all honesty 

Let's pretend the person in your body

 is actually still you.

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

I finally understand why 

everyone is so afraid of love.

It's not the fear of "falling" 

 or the fear that he won't be there 

to catch her when she does.

It's not the fear of "walking on cloud 9",

the fear of real happiness felt for the first time;

After-all, she'd been miserable for so long...

What does she do once she's happy?

It's not the fear of "The End"

the goodbye that hits harder than bullets

and does more damage than war.

It's not even the fear of "The Lasts":

the last time she saw his dimples

or last trace of him felt on her skin.

It's certainly not the fear of "Longing";

Missing him in every melody she hears,

not being able to escape the ache in sleep.

Cause even dreams have a wicked way of reminding her.

It's not the fear of having to "Start Over";

trying to pick up her heart dust, and forget him,

forget the way he told her "I love you" in tangled sleep.

Forget. Because he doesn't love her now.

No, none of these are reasons people are afraid of love,

Although they certainly are part of the real reason.

The real reason people are afraid

 begins once all these stages end

The falling

           the happiness

             the end

                   the lasts 

                                 and longing, 

                                              the starting over.

People are afraid of the Hope.

that one day, they might end up together.
The Hope that never fades.

It's the fear that she can start over,

Be content and happy with someone new,

Ring on her finger, sleeping next to new love.

Yet she lies awake and still thinks of him.

Him.

Him, with the long eyelashes and rough hands

Him, who sang country songs in her ear

Him, who wrote her handwritten letters in cursive

Him, who left a tattoo on her heart

Shaped like a hand-print.

People are afraid of the permanent mark they leave.

I should have been afraid. 

I should have been terrified.

 And now I know why.

Interstellar

I've heard that in space,

 time moves slower than on earth.

and I guess what I'm saying is,

I've spent a decade missing you 

when in the reality of the space between us:

is you probably haven't started to miss me yet

But you will.

And it will hit you harder than gravity.

Because that's what heart-break did to me.

I hope your pride comes crashing to earth,

Before time runs out.

And  I stop missing you altogether.

So Many Frozen Refrences

The weather's become a bitter cold

And my fingertips are constantly numb.

They say it's from bad circulation

 but my hands were always warm

When you held them.

It's cold enough to see my breath

but maybe I'm just seeing the ghost 

of kisses that made the air thin even in summer

Ironically, I only kissed you once this summer.

I guess this isn't the first time

 my heart has ached for you.

and I'm tired of the constant freeze you put on my heart.

Because every time you leave,

It stops.

And I forget how to live.

I forget what its like to sigh in a moment of bliss.

I forget what adrenaline feels like running though my body

I forget what it feels like to write about something happy.

March 23rd was the last time I did.

Maybe the worst tragedy of all, 

Some days I forget what it was like to laugh with you

The one thing that makes me feel most alive in this world.

You're gone.

And I spend my time with friends,

We build fires and go for rainy day drives...

But I spend every moment wishing I was doing them with you.

I get home to only light a candle,

put on your favorite band T- shirt

and remember you through my headphones.

God I miss you.

And I'm afraid your hands are the only ones that can restart my circulation

I want so so badly to be happily in love.

But I also want it to be with you.

I'd be lying to myself if I said that the cold never bothered me

But I can't figure out if I need to let it go...

or continue to endure this endless tundra.

In hopes of one day, 

the distance between us melts.

Girl on Fire

The candlelight flickered off these pages

But these walls have seen more casting shadows

From my heart than the flame on the wax.

Eyes look best in campfire light,

and maybe that's how I saw you;

a flawed but ever glowing soul.

Like flares our kisses sent messages

to the untouched ashy sky above

"God, this is good. Help our hearts not to burn."

Now I know why burn victims are said to have the worst kind of pain.

Because I have third degree burns 

on every memory we've ever made.

I miss the way we breathed each other

Without the smoke filled doubt consuming your lungs.

 I'm tired of holding on to hope in these embers

Cause the only thing that's going to re-spark your interest

can't be felt through the alcohol in your system. 

If you were reading this, I'd tell you you're damn firefighter.

Come back to the you I fell in love with,

  And put this fire out, before I turn to ashes.

Alcohols A Man Stealing Slut

You love the taste of alcohol on your lips,

and the way it seduces your mind to forget.

But you're screwing your chances with me,

And I bet the taste of my lips isn't as bitter 

And even more intoxicating. 

You love the way it can tangle your thoughts, 

into utter chaos until you stop thinking altogether.

But you'll never drink enough to get me out of your head,

And I bet my words leave DNA marks on your empty bottle.

 you'll miss me all the same. 

You drank so much you swayed this way and that. 

and the whiskey burned your throat with every step.

But if you'd choose me, our love would burn passionate, 

And I bet I'd do a better job of making it so you couldn't walk straight. 

I'd be there in the morning without the massive hangover.

Is this about Religion or Love?

"And god rested on the seventh day, from all his work which he had done"

And I bet he spent it looking at the stars.

I wonder if god scattered the stars

like twinkling dust between his fingers

as he whispered, "I hope you find your way."

or did he place them individually?

thoughtfully planned with a paintbrush,

making sure each had a kismet connection to a star nearby.

I tend to think the latter.

I tend to think he placed you by me.

We wish on falling stars.

But no one stops to think

that maybe its all tragic.

Tragic falling out of god's artwork.

Science even says they burn out as they fall.

And I guess I've been falling for to long.

And I'm tired of burning out.