Nelson told us how he is always contradicting himself. One day he tells us to do one thing, the next time he tells us to do the exact opposite of that. I don't think that Nelson is the only one that does that. I think it's something that is true to human nature. I think in just about everything we do, we are always contradicting ourselves.
I want the doughnut.
I also want to be thin.
I want to go out with friends and take crazy pictures
I also want to stay home and get lost in a good book
I want to let someone in my life.
I also want to protect myself.
I want to do something great, and inspire people
I also want to sit on the couch and watch Netflix
I want to be original, and unique
I also want to fit in and be like everyone else
I want to wear dresses and be flirty
I also want to wear leather and be a mysterious
I want to be in love
I also want to be single and free
I want people to accept me
I also want to not care about what people think.
I want to be be like Jake Irving, and be loved by everyone
I also want to be anti- social and put my headphones in and tune out the world.
I want to get dressed up, and feel beautiful
I also want to stay in my pj's all day and not brush my hair.
Humans are complicated. They aren't something you can explain one blog post. They have emotions and feelings, and what they want changes on a daily basis. Some days we take the doughnut, and say screw it, it tastes good. Other days we workout instead. People cant just be reduced to a formula, a recipe, or one set of expectations. There is always a wildcard, a change in the wind, and an unknown variable.I guess that's another part of being human, but at least it keeps life interesting, and keeps us on our toes.
You know that dance your fingers do when you don't know what to type?
Your fingers dance and then you lift them up off the keyboard, pop your
knuckles a few times, maybe take a drink of whatever drink is by your
laptop (mine happens to be a coke) then think about what to write,
change the song on your iPod, type something, hit backspace, and then
repeat. I guess you could say that's where I am.
I've
never been good at first impressions; maybe because I'm afraid to say
the wrong thing. I think we all feel that way when opening up to people.
In
case you missed my blog name, I'm Peyton Sawyer, and if you understand
where my name comes from, you're my new best friend. If you don't know
who she is though, let me tell you about her, because there is much of
her in me. We have the same passion for music, interpreting the meaning
of lyrics, and finding the beauty in music. I'd like to think that one
day I would have a music collection as big as hers and with as much
variety. I'd also like to think that one day I will drive her car..a
classic blue '63 Comet convertible.Maybe I'd drive to watch the sunset,
get inspired and write something equally as beautiful because who isn't
inspired by sunsets? I'd like to think I will find my Lucas Scott and
he would write a book about me and about comets, and soul mates. In case
you were wondering, I haven't found him yet. I'd like to think I could
draw like her. I'm disappointed when I can't. I'd like to think I can
rock the same hazel eyes that she has and hide my insecurities and fears
and hurt behind them. I'm not great at that either.
Peyton
isn't real. She is a fictional character, unlike me. There is no
writers plotting my life, giving me the right words to say, or the
perfect ending for every story line. I'm real.
There are no makeup artists to cover every flaw. There isn't a
hairstylist to fix a bad hair day. I wish there was. Everyday is
unplanned and unscripted. It doesn't wrap up nicely at the end of each
episode. Some endings are happy and some are sad. At the end of the day I
wrote my life, because its my life to live...even if it is a bad hair
day.
"You have one chance, one life and what you do with it is up to you." - Peyton Sawyer
