Memory Lane

Memories I wish I could rewind

I remember the day I got my first dog. I remember her soft dark fur that fit in the palm of my hand. I remember thinking how amazing it was to love something that much that was so small.

I remember the old VCR and our Disney movie collection in the Cabinet that smelled of old wood. I remember laying on the ground with a pillow as the TV blared "And Now Our Feature Presentation.."

I remember the day Makayla and I wanted to be gorillas. It had just rained and we were sitting on the curb outside my house, mud was between our toes. I remember rubbing the mud all over our arms and legs and faces. Mostly I remember my moms face when she saw what we had done. 

I remember my moms wedding. I remember crying when I saw how beautiful she looked in her dress. That day I got dance with my new dad. the song was Hearts Content by Brandi Carlisle. I had dreamed of that moment for a long time. 

I remember watching Friday Night Lights every night with my mom. It used to be girls night every night at our house. I would make chocolate chip cookies, and pour us both big glasses of Diet Coke and we would sit and watch, and talk about how hot Tim Riggins was. I remember this being my favorite part of the day.

I remember my first crush Dalton Williams. It was preschool, he had the biggest brown eyes and curly dark hair. I remember he took me and MaKayla behind the cubbies and kissed us on the cheeks. I remember giggling.

I remember his hazel eyes, and how much I wanted them to look at me. He was 2 years older than me, and Makayla's brother and I didn't care. I remember the late nights on the tramp together and freezing to death during basketball games we played in the winter.

I remember the One Direction concert. our seats were 5 feet away from them, almost close enough to touch. I remember crying during their last song as confetti fell down onto our hair. That moment, I felt invincible.

I remember my 50 stuffed animal puppies. I remember earning $10 to go the the store and get a new friend to my collection. My first one I  bought was brown, and I named him kiss. I can still remember most of their names because I always named them after food.

I remember the smell of Hawaii whenever I step off the plane. Its wet, and dense. Perfume companies still haven't captured just how tropical and good Hawaii smells.

Memories I wish I could Erase

I remember opening the letter that was addressed to my mom. I remember the first 3 words I read. "His Pornography Addiction."

I remember my mom walking in the house with my dogs limp body in her arms. I remember what it felt like to have your heart sink.

I remember the text I got from him on the way home from Piano Lessons. "Macie, You're a great girl, but I will never see you more than just a friend." I remember never crying over a boy as hard as I did that day.

I remember hearing that huge fight though the walls. When I walked up the stairs I remember the sound the engagement ring made as it hit the floor. *Clink Clink*

I remember that night like It was yesterday. It was 2 In the morning, and I was 6 years old. I remember the phone call, the one that made my mom make a cry that sent chills up my arms over two words, "He's dead." 

I remember the last night before MaKayla moved to Nebraska. We stood in the doorway for half an hour and cried as we hugged each other tightly, too afraid to let go.

I remember getting caught in the wave in Hawaii. I remember trying so hard to breathe, and being so scared that I would never get air. I remember my lungs and mouth burning with salt water.

I remember when gauchos were a thing. oh hell.


As much as I wish I could erase some of these memories, they are a part of me. I wouldn't be me without them. We're all unique not because of what we do, not because of what we like, or what we dislike. Were all unique because we all have different memories.