Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

I finally understand why 

everyone is so afraid of love.

It's not the fear of "falling" 

 or the fear that he won't be there 

to catch her when she does.

It's not the fear of "walking on cloud 9",

the fear of real happiness felt for the first time;

After-all, she'd been miserable for so long...

What does she do once she's happy?

It's not the fear of "The End"

the goodbye that hits harder than bullets

and does more damage than war.

It's not even the fear of "The Lasts":

the last time she saw his dimples

or last trace of him felt on her skin.

It's certainly not the fear of "Longing";

Missing him in every melody she hears,

not being able to escape the ache in sleep.

Cause even dreams have a wicked way of reminding her.

It's not the fear of having to "Start Over";

trying to pick up her heart dust, and forget him,

forget the way he told her "I love you" in tangled sleep.

Forget. Because he doesn't love her now.

No, none of these are reasons people are afraid of love,

Although they certainly are part of the real reason.

The real reason people are afraid

 begins once all these stages end

The falling

           the happiness

             the end

                   the lasts 

                                 and longing, 

                                              the starting over.

People are afraid of the Hope.

that one day, they might end up together.
The Hope that never fades.

It's the fear that she can start over,

Be content and happy with someone new,

Ring on her finger, sleeping next to new love.

Yet she lies awake and still thinks of him.

Him.

Him, with the long eyelashes and rough hands

Him, who sang country songs in her ear

Him, who wrote her handwritten letters in cursive

Him, who left a tattoo on her heart

Shaped like a hand-print.

People are afraid of the permanent mark they leave.

I should have been afraid. 

I should have been terrified.

 And now I know why.

Interstellar

I've heard that in space,

 time moves slower than on earth.

and I guess what I'm saying is,

I've spent a decade missing you 

when in the reality of the space between us:

is you probably haven't started to miss me yet

But you will.

And it will hit you harder than gravity.

Because that's what heart-break did to me.

I hope your pride comes crashing to earth,

Before time runs out.

And  I stop missing you altogether.

So Many Frozen Refrences

The weather's become a bitter cold

And my fingertips are constantly numb.

They say it's from bad circulation

 but my hands were always warm

When you held them.

It's cold enough to see my breath

but maybe I'm just seeing the ghost 

of kisses that made the air thin even in summer

Ironically, I only kissed you once this summer.

I guess this isn't the first time

 my heart has ached for you.

and I'm tired of the constant freeze you put on my heart.

Because every time you leave,

It stops.

And I forget how to live.

I forget what its like to sigh in a moment of bliss.

I forget what adrenaline feels like running though my body

I forget what it feels like to write about something happy.

March 23rd was the last time I did.

Maybe the worst tragedy of all, 

Some days I forget what it was like to laugh with you

The one thing that makes me feel most alive in this world.

You're gone.

And I spend my time with friends,

We build fires and go for rainy day drives...

But I spend every moment wishing I was doing them with you.

I get home to only light a candle,

put on your favorite band T- shirt

and remember you through my headphones.

God I miss you.

And I'm afraid your hands are the only ones that can restart my circulation

I want so so badly to be happily in love.

But I also want it to be with you.

I'd be lying to myself if I said that the cold never bothered me

But I can't figure out if I need to let it go...

or continue to endure this endless tundra.

In hopes of one day, 

the distance between us melts.

Girl on Fire

The candlelight flickered off these pages

But these walls have seen more casting shadows

From my heart than the flame on the wax.

Eyes look best in campfire light,

and maybe that's how I saw you;

a flawed but ever glowing soul.

Like flares our kisses sent messages

to the untouched ashy sky above

"God, this is good. Help our hearts not to burn."

Now I know why burn victims are said to have the worst kind of pain.

Because I have third degree burns 

on every memory we've ever made.

I miss the way we breathed each other

Without the smoke filled doubt consuming your lungs.

 I'm tired of holding on to hope in these embers

Cause the only thing that's going to re-spark your interest

can't be felt through the alcohol in your system. 

If you were reading this, I'd tell you you're damn firefighter.

Come back to the you I fell in love with,

  And put this fire out, before I turn to ashes.

Alcohols A Man Stealing Slut

You love the taste of alcohol on your lips,

and the way it seduces your mind to forget.

But you're screwing your chances with me,

And I bet the taste of my lips isn't as bitter 

And even more intoxicating. 

You love the way it can tangle your thoughts, 

into utter chaos until you stop thinking altogether.

But you'll never drink enough to get me out of your head,

And I bet my words leave DNA marks on your empty bottle.

 you'll miss me all the same. 

You drank so much you swayed this way and that. 

and the whiskey burned your throat with every step.

But if you'd choose me, our love would burn passionate, 

And I bet I'd do a better job of making it so you couldn't walk straight. 

I'd be there in the morning without the massive hangover.

Is this about Religion or Love?

"And god rested on the seventh day, from all his work which he had done"

And I bet he spent it looking at the stars.

I wonder if god scattered the stars

like twinkling dust between his fingers

as he whispered, "I hope you find your way."

or did he place them individually?

thoughtfully planned with a paintbrush,

making sure each had a kismet connection to a star nearby.

I tend to think the latter.

I tend to think he placed you by me.

We wish on falling stars.

But no one stops to think

that maybe its all tragic.

Tragic falling out of god's artwork.

Science even says they burn out as they fall.

And I guess I've been falling for to long.

And I'm tired of burning out.

Words of War Spoken by Veterans

Darling, you're well familiar with war
and how to win the final battle.
I love that you fight for our country

But some days your heart wears camouflage
and dammit I wish you'd fight for me. 

They say
.

And I picked up my 22' the night my soul met yours.
Ready to fight for something you once called
"The start of something glorious" in cursive handwriting.

Like a pen, your fingers know the hold of a gun,

And you picked it up ready to fight beside me.

you definitely hit an artery,
And I'm slowly bleeding to death
with the words " I miss you."
coming from bloodstained lips.

You’re a well-trained medic In war, known as 68’ whiskey…

but it's going to take more than a tourniquet to save me now.

Because...

and I miss you like I imagine all soldiers miss loved ones. but I can't write to you, till I know you miss me too, Because,

And I need your whole heart in this beautiful war.
Ready to die for the possibility of eternity
but ready to live for endless kisses, and morning sunrises.

We both know that 

but I can tell you, I'll be the best battle you ever fought. You aren't the type to back down from a fight, So I'm asking you not to put your hands up in surrender unless they're ready to meet with mine in the process.

And maybe I'm writing this
 in hopes of remembering the taste of you.

Because I'm overseas,
and homesick for you.

hoping that the words,

are spoken from familiar touched lips.

Everyone knows the best part about war,
is when soldiers get to come home .

but they also  know the battle will never be truly over. 

So come back to a war worth fighting for, And maybe  we'll return to each other as better people. because trying to fight it with who we are now... is a battle we're bound to lose.  Fight for me passionately. and I promise to do the same for you.

Writers Find Beauty In Everything

Tonight I sat on the cement  and watched my neighbor 

as she tenderly picked up her dog whos soul was as old as hers.

but, how beautiful their love must be, since they're all each other has.

I closed my eyes and listened closely

to the natural song the wind chimes made.

How beautiful ears must be to those who cannot see.

I smiled as I saw a young dad out of breath,

His son racing down the street who was learning to ride a bike.

  

How beautiful it is when something as easy as the wind in your hair can make you feel free. 

It was the simplest of nights.

  The sunset faded before I could look out my window,

and the stars couldn't be seen through the thick clouds.

But if I can find beauty in the most ordinary things...

Then

Surely

I

Can

Find

The 

Beauty

In

You.

even when your soul starts to fade, and your stars in your eyes can't be seen.

Because darling,

You are far from ordinary. 

Will You Stay?

Sunsets long for an audience to love their limited beauty,

 I hope I've captured your eyes enough to make you stay.

But darling, this is midnight, and the colors have faded silently.

I lay awake, searching the dark sky for burn marks where colors once danced.

and although fire still burns bright long after the world falls asleep.

I'm scared my love for you will burn long after yours turns to ashes.

Sunrises  are meant for people with hope in their sleepy eyes

and I guess it's time I start becoming a morning person.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

I walk barefoot on sidewalks

and my socks rarely match when worn.

My headphones are my best accessory

Yet my best feature is the color my eyes turn when I cry.

Rain is my favorite soundtrack.

I let it ruin my hair as I walk to its music.

Sometimes my heart strikes lightning

Yet I'm not great at biting the thunder that rolls off my tongue

I'm a risk taker when it comes to my heart 

Its 3 dimensional and loudly beats on my sleeve

It's only desire is to have fingers run over the scars

and kiss the stories behind them perfectly with their lips 

Yet your hands are still far to distant from mine. 

Poetry is like an art museum, I visit as often as I can

Imagining the  words as patterns of raindrops on my window. 

I still like writing by hand more than I like typing with keys

Yet I still haven't filled enough pages with blood

I like to sit at the piano and play old memories

They come at the tempo of 6/8 with a metronome

I smile as music comes from my small fingertips

Yet my biggest regret is the day I left the bench

I love summer dresses, and smiles in-between kisses

and romance is traced in the pigments in my skin.

I'm shy at first impression, and sweet on your tongue

Yet my hazel eyes sure know how to burn your soul. 

Mix Tape of You and I

Girls dream of boys giving them a Mix tape

And you and I started one the day we met.

In cursive handwriting, you wrote a list

of the songs you were dying for me to hear.

Eric Church, 

Eli Young Band 

My Chemical Romance

Johnny Cash, 

Tracy Chapman, 

Angels and Airwaves

These were your picks that added to the list.

Ed Sheeran

Gregory Alan Isakov

Were your favorites of mine.

You never knew I watched you  as titled the list "Thinking of Her."

Only, we didn't realize it was only the beginning 

of  a compilation of music simply titled "Love."

And we fell in love deeply, the playlist became our background noise.

and our lips seemed to fall in rhythm to it as we kissed to its beat.

But sooner or later, every song on the list ended.

And in march you took the playlist with you,

not sure anymore of the music it once played. 

I held on to every note, and every measure

and held my breath as I listened to the lyrics alone.

I took a sharpie and re-titled the mix-tape "Why?"

And its questions and fear played on repeat for months.

But that didn't stop me from replaying the music we once made. 

And I didn't dare push the skip button. 

I wonder the moment you heard our playlist,

the moment you remembered it's beauty.

Was it playing in a grocery store?

or play from the radio in Truck 120? 

Did you go searching  for the music?

Hoping to find me in the words?

I saw you for the first time yesterday,

since you left me with the soundtrack of wonder and doubt.

But the ambient noise was  silenced

the moment the spaces between my fingers 

Were filled with yours.

And for the first time

Since you left I understood...

As scarred as your hands were,

Their spaces longed to be filled too.

And the nerve endings were revived through our fingertips

enough for our veins to carry love to its chambers,

Where it felt at home.

Our hearts came to an agreement

distance felt cold on our lips

Maybe that's why you kissed me at first embrace.

and why the mix-tape voices stopped.

 in that moment, I realized quiet was the most beautiful sound.

Girls dream of boys giving them mix-tapes.

And yesterday you silenced my fears,

and gave me the playlist titled "stillness."

It's the best gift you have ever given me.

Blind Pilot

We kissed in a crowded room.

After midnight, beneath closed eyes.

The touch of your lips beneath mine

Was vivid.

And it took the oxygen we didn't need.

After all, it was only a dream.

I awoke feeling lightheaded,

my mind spinning in circles.

But from the kiss or the absence of you...

I don't know which.

I wonder if the sand gets tired.

tired of being harshly tossed on the shoreline,

it's fragile pigments scattered in chaos.

I wonder if the waves get tired of crashing

and a life full of constant ups and downs.

Does the sea ever long for stillness?

Darling, you and I are the tide.

Science tried to define us as the rise and fall,

according to the gravitational pull of the moon.

And I admit, scientists are experts on logic.

But they never account for the hearts behind it.

So maybe the gravitational pull is our heartbeats.

Because the waves and sand belong together.

Even in ups and downs.

Even when we wish for stillness.

Our ocean may be made of salty tears we've cried,

and the rubble of sandcastle memories torn down.

But please don't forget my love,

The dance the waves and sand know,

and makes them forget about stillness,

The dance that's beautiful enough to be called art. 

 Because we belong together.

And I'll wait for the gravitation pull of our pulses

to bring you back to me.

The tide can only stay apart for so long.

And I..... will wait for you.

And I'll Write Your Name

I've never wanted to hold words.

To have my veins wrap around letters curves.

I've never wanted phrases sewn on the surface of my heart.

and the cracks in between.

And then I met you, and couldn't just skim your pages. 

I couldn't just read every word either.

For you were a story full of pictures.

And suddenly I was an Art Major.

And fell in love with every shade of red that painted your heart.

Even

            The  

                        Darkest 

                                       Shade.

I've never wanted words to echo on repeat,

Through my headphones and to my nerves.

I've never heard lyrics that made skin dance at it's melody.

Then I told you I loved you.

And the music it made as it echoed in your voice was a concert.

And I became a music major, falling in love with even our silence.

Because even that deserved an Encore.

I became a history major when I fell 

in love with your scars and laugh lines

And how they appeared.

I became a medical major when I fell asleep to your heartbeat.

I listened to it break and wanted to be the remedy,

The one that fixed you when you flat-lined.

 --^--^--^-------------------- 

I never thought I'd love math.

and I didn't until we fought. 

I fell in love with solving our problems

and having someone worth fighting for. 

Now, my declared major is English.

I'm falling in love with blank pages.

pages to be filled with conversations,

between your heart and mine.

pages to have ink splattered on

filled with our artwork.

Pages filled with notes and sheet music

from the concerts we attend

Pages filled with the biography written

starting the day we met.

Filled with medical histories 

of the heartache we cured in each other

even pages of math problems

You and I had to learn to solve.

Because English majors create.

And I can't wait to fill blank pages with you.

Chance of Rain

I wonder if it will rain the day you leave

can the skies be sad in the middle of July?

if it did rain would it be a record downpour?

cause babe, that's 365 days I will miss you.

I wonder how much it rains a year in Kuwait.

enough to wash the dust off your combat boots?

if it did, would you look to the sky and think of me?

would it photograph the drops that fall and ruin ink?

Handwritten letters can be held close in storms.

 I wonder if it will ever rain the same time for you and I.

7,434 miles apart cant possibly share the same shade of sky.

will you wake up to its thunder, while I fall asleep to its white noise?

When it rains, Ill stand in it and thank god that rain has a gypsy soul.

Because maybe the same raindrops will touch your skin, and kiss it's warmth.

love is the element found in rain.

Because that's where I found you.

in my storms. 

To The Innocent

The bottle hadn’t ever even touched my lips

Yet still I lived the effects it cynically brought.

I’ve never tasted a drink stronger than coke

Yet still alcohol made my mind swirl with hurt.

I’ve never used a syringe try to numb my pain.

Yet the needle still stabbed my heart repeatedly

I’ve never flown higher then where kites reach

Yet still have woken up crashed from the flight.

I’ve never watched distorted figures “make love.”

Yet still my soul was blackened like the end credits.

I’d never cheated on someone I said I “loved you” to

Yet I still couldn’t say the words “I love you” back.

I’ve never been locked in a room 6 by 8 feet with bars.

Yet still I felt trapped by lies and lists of crimes I’d heard

I’ve never been handcuffed by the side of the highway

Yet still my skin was rubbed raw with continuing lies that hit.

I’ve never stolen drugs and jewelry from someone I love.

Yet still I’ve cried the tears the loss of trust took with it.

I’ve never sold sin to strangers in shapes of capsules

Yet still I felt the cold emptiness the customers searched for.

I’ve never had an addiction,

One like the people I’m supposed to love seemed to have.

I’ve never felt the guilt they go through routinely each day

Yet still I’ve felt the emptiness they must feel every 24 hours.

I’ve never felt the shame of what they do as I look in the mirror

Yet still I’ve felt a sense of hopelessness and lack of faith they have

Because the truth is, Addiction doesn’t affect just the Victim.

I’ve never watched as Addiction destroys my own soul.

Yet still I’ve watched it destroy yours…fraying my own.

I’ve never watched addiction take over my heart with every beat.

Yet still my heart has beat painfully screaming its name angrily.

Addiction has only left me wondering.

Wondering why addiction takes such satisfaction in lives it takes,

Dragging them through the hall to hell by their bleeding fingernails.

On their way passing framed pictures of failed attempts and lost battles.

The hallway ends in darkness and empty because they lost everything.

And all that’s heard is the echoes of addictions last laugh.

Addiction doesn’t stop there though, with passion in its eyes.

It’s not satisfied with one kill shot, and has his next target ready.

Its next aim is the family of the soul being dragged painfully.

Addiction tries to take the lives of the innocent.

And all that’s left is the graves of the cemetery

The tombstones etched with words “Hopeless” and “Defeat.”

The battle is over and everything is silent

And Addiction smiles from above,

Rubbing his hands and plotting his next victim

I just hope the next one is strong enough to defeat him.